Only weeks after being loudly accused of burning down the White House during the War of 1812, Canada is once again bucking America’s authority as the capital of America by declaring war on ketchup.
Ketchup, the zesty American invention made from splicing delicious spices and the tomato plant, is being used as a hostage in Canada’s wreckless economic war against the United States. Canada launched a $12.6 billion dollar assault on America’s economy by announcing tariffs on America’s prized exports, chief among them ketchup.
Justin Trudeau, Canada’s thin and thicked-haired brunette prime minister, announced a very sinister 10% on the loonie increase in prices on U.S. ketchup. Such outrageous prices will leave other American enterprises, such as McDonald’s, in financial ruin in Canada because who wants to eat big macs and fries without heaping white cups of fancy grade ketchup?
Canadians have already turned to exotic uses of potatoes in the creation of a dish called poutine. The dish is a weird combination of cheese, oil, nutella and French Fries. Canadians will likely create other bizarre foods to cope with high prices being thrown onto American fare.