by Dr. Jet Stonecrest
For those who do not know, CYBER Monday stands for Christless Youths Becoming Erotric Rebels Monday.
Since Obama was president, every Monday after Thanksgiving, millenials throw an online Satan festival in which they spread debauchery and sin at reduced prices. Hiding behind the name Cyber Monday, it flew under the radar for years as it sounded like some futuristic cartoon show and nothing to be very worried about.
But the reality is all over the internet today you’ll find ads that say things like, “‘Kinked toys, 50% off!’ ‘Dally-doos! Buy one, get one free!’ ‘The Devil Bible? Free if you share a link to recruit a newbie or send a no clothing photo! ‘”
The moral media community has tracked this new-age online pagan festival for years and each year, retailers participating and enabling this festival see their profit margin increase by 20%. This year is poised to be a record breaker of over a trillion dollars drenched in sin!
Millenials are not allowed to be physically present for Cyber Monday. They have to get onto the internet and then sign their life away. A secret window pops onto their computer screen from some Illuminati organization called the ‘Captha’. Our investigative interns are still studying this organization, but ‘captcha’ is surely a play on words which means ‘capture’ as in ‘capture the soul’.
After proving that they are human and have a soul, millenials are allowed to register online and agree to sign their life away by accepting some weird EU words of agreement which is a veiled message straight from Ba’al.
Immediately, and at the speed of light, Satan crosses into the eyes and minds of millions of 20-39 year olds as they see all sorts of debauchery offered unto their Satan-contracted souls at the speed of light. They enter into a trance and buy tools that not only fund the liberal shadow society, but also ensure they will do all sorts of sinful things this Cyber Monday.
The America Defense Council recommends families disconnect the internet for the day to avoid temptation, especially for those who were born between 1981 to 1996. The mastery of the dark Illuminati society who markets the Cyber Monday festival is beyond reason and they corrupt millions of more people per year.
The morally bereft culture that developed under Barack Obama still has a firm hold on the minds and bodies of today’s millinials.