by Helen Jo Ellen
New reports of quick onset homosexuality are filing in from various medical centers nationwide.
Over the Christmas break, medical professionals tracked symptoms of classic homosexuality in straight men: lavish spending on rustic home decor and gifts, getting handsy with other men at wine-fueled Christmas parties, heavily accented caroling and unshakable urges to steal away with any burly, bearded man in sight.
While the CDC does not yet have adequate ICD-10 codes to tightly track these homosexual symptoms with a proper code for clinical tracking and billing, anecdotal evidence and well established qualitative analyses exclusively lend themselves to behaviors celebrated and performed in the gay community culture.
Thousands of accounts can be found inline of this phenomena, the first set of these gay causing Christmas light patterns found in Rome about a half decade ago.
Since that initial event, most Western democracies have fully allowed gay marriage and lifestyle, the majority of men all suspiciously friendly or apethetic to something which would only get whispered or coukd have your tv sitcom snatched away.