God Strikes Iran with Two Earthquakes As Punishment for Launching Missiles

God has weighed in on the looming US-Iran war, leaving Iranian citizens horrified as he shook their nation with Biblical wrath.

The US Geological Survey confirms just moments after launching missiles, Iran was immediately hit with a 4.5 and 4.9 magnitude earthquake. All around the nation, citizens awoke with their adobe homes crumbling all around them, their national monuments and cultural sites falling into piles of rubble.

The epicenter of the 4.8 earthquake was only a few ‘meters’ (what foreigners call feet) away from Iran’s Bushehr nuclear power plant, which sources reveal they plan on converting back to making yellow cake Uranium materials in a few weeks.

International scientists have confirmed the earthquakes were acts of God, not those caused by that of man.