Local Police Rule Zebra’s Cause of Death As Suicide
by Helen Jo Ellen
Video footage has emerged of a zebra’s final moments of life and local police reports have confirmed the zebra’s cause of death to be suicide.
Late yesterday afternoon, police immediately reported that their investigation into the issue was resolved within minutes. Though onlookers claim there wasfootage of several suspicious lions showing agitation toward the zebra, ultimately police claim there is no suspicion of foul play.
In related news, a fourth black male has been found hanging from a tree and police have also immediately determined there is nothing suspicious about the death.