by Dr. Jet Stonecrest
With the US elections only three months away, the gay community has finally unveiled their coup de grâce to ensure Florida votes liberal: gay mosquitoes.
Codenamed ‘Project Jurassic Park’, the plan will see the gay community releasing over 750 million genetically modified mosquitoes across the Florida Keys.
According to reports, gays super-engineered a male mosquito and inserted a recombinant strand of DNA that is associated with homosexual traits in human. Using the restriction enzyme EcoR1, gays spliced out the normal male mosquito portion of the victim mosquito DNA and inserted a payload of homosexuality. The mosquito survived the lab experiment and was immediately closed. Gays call the new line of homosexual mosquitoes OX5034.
Sources report that the new homosexual line of mosquitoes have ‘has been created to produce female offspring that die at larval stag, ensuring that all the female mosquitoes eventually die off. The remaining mosquitoes in Florida will all be male and all left to lust for one another. Additionally, the new male mosquitoes ‘do not bite for human blood, but instead feed on sweet citrus nectars’ that may be nice when poured from a chilled carafe or as a garnish is a spritzed drink or light brunch salad.
As Floridians have a decreased need to use pesticide on the non-biting male mosquitoes, perhaps seeing them as endearing as a honeybee buzzing around fruits, they will stop spraying them with pesticides. This will allow the genetically modified creatures to continue their purpose: innoculate the nectar of Florida fruits with their saliva which contains the new homosexual DNA, then when that is consumed by humans people will be ingesting recombinant homosexual DNA and have the potential to develop food-borne homosexuality. Then they will all vote DEMOCRAT.
If you are in Florida, scientists from both the Christian Defense League of Eastern Texas and the Moral Totalitarian Society of Trump advise you buy cans of Raid and spray them wildly at anything that resembles a mosquito.