Easter weekend, fast becoming known as the ‘heterosexual recruitment festival’ in the gay community, has become one of the most dangerous holidays of the year for Christian men.
The CDC reports that for the past three Easters, an increased number of men have contracted homosexuality after eating ‘pastel colored Easter eggs’ secretly laced with variants of the gender-splicing homosexual chemtrail EcoR1.
Moles within the gay community confirm that gays are using their advanced mastery of chemistry to mass-produce food coloring and covertly sell it throughout the nation in various food outlets. When organizations and families go to dip their food in these lurid mixtures, little do they know they are setting up fathers nationwide to be preyed upon by gays waiting to partake in a new and bizarre pagan ceremony.
With athletic family-loving dads leaving themselves distracted and exposed in grassy egg-littered fields kissed by the first Spring’s sun, relaxed-fix Oxford shirts and creased chino pants giving an air of nostalgic youth to their bodies, gay men cannot help but watch from afar and salivate as they wait for their carefully planted chemtrail eggs to be found and consumed, the homosexuality taking hold in any straight males who eat the fleshy contents under the gay dyed shells.
Scientists working on behalf the Christian Defense League of Texas confirm tainted eggs and food coloring have already been found in 43 states.
It is estimated that 30 seconds after an egg has been dipped into a dye containing the new homosexual chemtrail reagent, all the egg underneath is ‘infected with homosexuality’ and will splice the Y-chromosome of any man who eats it, instantly inserting its payload and causing instant onset of homosexuality.
The CDL of Texas is warning men attending Easter Egg hunts to be on the ‘lookout’ of gays stalking them, waiting for them to crack into an egg they find in a fairgrounds or park area. It is best to use the buddy-system and to only consume eggs that are pure white and prepared by a family member.
Editor’s note: Several counties in Southern Georgia have requested agents from the CDC to visit their medical clinics early Monday morning after 19 men reported symptoms consistent with homosexuality: fondling and groping other men, severely accented speech and feelings of absolute euphoria.